Welcome back to my little corner of the internet where I share my thoughts and feelings on all things mental health and embracing your beautiful body. Today, I want to talk about something that’s been weighing on me lately: the constant inner pressure to be “good enough.”
We all know the feeling, right? That gnawing sense that no matter how hard you try, you’re just falling short. It could be at work, where you push yourself to the limit but still feel like you’re disappointing your boss. Or maybe it’s in your personal life, constantly trying to be the perfect friend, partner, or family member.
The truth is, this chase for external validation is exhausting. It leaves us feeling burnt out, resentful, and frankly, a little fake. Because let’s face it, constantly trying to please everyone is not only impossible, but also a recipe for personal misery.
So, what if we stopped focusing on being “good enough” for others and started focusing on being good enough for ourselves?
This doesn’t mean becoming a selfish hermit (although there’s nothing wrong with a little alone time!). It’s about shifting your perspective. Here are a few things I’ve been trying to do lately that might resonate with you (I don’t always get it right but I am striving to be a better person):
“Doing Your Best” is Enough
Let’s be honest, our best will look different every day. Some days, you’ll conquer that mountain and feel like a superhero. Other days, getting out of bed and putting on the ‘I am enough face’, feels like a victory. The key is to acknowledge and appreciate your effort, regardless of the outcome.
Think about it this way: would you judge your best friend for having an “off” day? Of course not! So why hold yourself to such a harsh standard? This isn’t a cop out or an excuse its just giving yourself a little break every now and then. I wrote a blog explaining that its ok to have setbacks. You can read that here
Embrace the Power of “Sorry” and “I Was Wrong”
Here’s a secret: admitting you messed up doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human. Saying sorry and owning up to your mistakes shows maturity and respect. It also paves the way for rebuilding trust and strengthening relationships. I make mistakes and continue to make them. Im trying to learn from then but it takes time and practice.
Plus, let’s be real, sometimes we just need to swallow our pride and apologise. It feels so much better on the other side, trust me.
Taking Feelings into Account Doesn’t Make You Weak
This isn’t about walking on eggshells or becoming a doormat. It’s about having basic human empathy. Consider how your actions or words might affect others. Does that mean you have to sacrifice your own happiness? Absolutely not! But a little thoughtfulness goes a long way.
Respect Yourself, Respect Others
This one might seem obvious, but it’s the foundation of healthy relationships. When you respect yourself, you set boundaries and prioritise your well-being. People-pleasing often comes at the cost of your own needs. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Respecting others means acknowledging their opinions and feelings, even if you disagree. It’s about fostering genuine connections, not just superficial approval. I’m going to be honest here, I’m not great at confrontation or conflict. I still follow behaviours from my past and it’s something I’m working on. I get defensive, I feel inadequate, attacked, not good enough, not valued. This comes from my childhood but it’s not all on me, people can also take responsibility for their words and actions, I can only do that for me.
People-Pleasing is a Trap
Let’s talk about that constant need to be liked. It’s a recipe for stress and disappointment. You can’t control how everyone perceives you, but you can control your actions and how you treat yourself.
Focus on being authentic, kind, and true to your values. Those are the qualities that attract genuine connections and a sense of belonging.
So, how do we actually break free from the people-pleasing cycle?
It’s a work in progress, for sure. Here are a few tips that have been helping me:
- Start small. Maybe it’s saying no to one extra task at work or taking a mental health day. Celebrate these small wins!
- Identify your triggers. What situations make you feel the need to please others? Once you know them, you can develop strategies to manage them.
- Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself! Talk to yourself like you would a friend.
- Focus on your strengths and passions. This builds confidence and self-worth, which makes relying on external validation less appealing.
- Find your tribe. Surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are, not who you try to be.
This journey towards being “good enough” for ourselves is a marathon, not a sprint. There will be setbacks and moments of self-doubt. But remember, you’re not alone.
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The Endless Spiral with Keith Russell 